tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
