I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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