In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
