Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
