Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
