We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
