you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
