he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize