She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
