I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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