If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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