My liver just broke up with me...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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