I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
