I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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