8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
