i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
