I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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