Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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