It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
