i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
