I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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