i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
