I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
