Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
