wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can't just leave with hair like that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
this hospital has no fireball
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
