I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
