Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
