fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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