Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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