i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
