hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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