You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
