Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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