dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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