my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
