I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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