Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
