Redeem this text for a blowjob
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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