is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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