Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
