Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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