Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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