Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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