Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
