Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
