I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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