All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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