what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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