I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
