the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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