He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
