she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
