apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
