3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
