Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
