i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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