Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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