so explain again why im purple
no
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
