had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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