In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
