well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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