One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
