just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
