If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize