His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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