You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
