know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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