Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
