I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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