she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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