hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
