i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
