i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
