So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
