i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
