I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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