i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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