two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
