My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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